The black the white the gray of life

The black the white the gray of life

Sunday, July 25, 2010

A Childlike wish

Artist: Lilla Cabot Perry

Ten storey standing tall,
Down I glance, ringing my ears a faint song.
My eyes skim, travel across,
I stare at the luscious tree tops.
Is it a bird in bloom?
or music playing in some room?
At the edge, almost to fall,
Inspired by the melody is search for long.
The road silent,stagnant at dawn.
Machines not yet started to swarm.
And then at last, my eyes stop and stance.
A small boy, a speck but spark,
singing to school an enlightening song.
Like a snail moving slow,
enjoying the drops,nature's galore.
chiming in his childish voice,
to music of the rain divine.
Abruptly as the showers burst to hail,
The little angel speeds up fast.
Turning at the winding road, disappearing almost gone.
Drenched,i stand still,
Tthe rain piercing hitting in.
I pray you be humble to him rain.
Let the sun ripen his heart,
Nothing sour.
for him, let life be a lunch of sweet tarts.

painting life

Sifting, cooling caressing my feet;
sand making way into finger gaps,
The waves soothing,purgative cleanse my feet,
but sand again seeps in.
Spreading,across a golden sheen.
The ocean's Vastness lies beyond horizons,
swallowing all reckless and near.
Sand lets the tide in,
I drift away to draw a dream.
Slowly i make a small mark,
Using colorful glass to decorate,
shells and pebbles to keep my dream from drowning.
Steadily I feel divine,
Protecting my art, like a father protecting child.
The wind pierces through the fence of hair,
Quickly blowing my scarf again.
I move, I haste for my favorite scarf, wind the thief runs along.
I grab, I turn, I fear the destruction of my talent.
The Tide has done its part, swept the last memory of my art.
I sigh and then again i smile,
I'm not defeated, the canvas is mine.
Tomorrow again i will paint my life,
Tomorrow again i will paint my mind.

Vanity in vain

The tarnished necklace lies on a dark pillow,
magical, intricate craftsmanship now shattered and hollow.
On the pillow it writes its story,
Of hope and joy and never ending glory.
What struggle each pearl dying made,
For each one was born of dirt caught in the oyster shell.
Deep in the oceans lap,
The pearl evolved with the lashes claps.
Throttled freedom, fished out,
The princesses jewel in pride shroud.
The waves laughed,mocked the pearl,
But on pretentious back, boastfully the pearl itself revered.
Knocking off the oceans in glee,
The pearl thought it feared departure, mere jealousy.
Illusions cast of chandelier and gold,
Satin carpets,glistening thrones.
Fashioned proud the princesses trinket,
Always near, good and fortunate.
Scheming and plotting the queens death,
The princess failed, cursed this amulet.
Fury broke the magic weaved,
The pearl on the pillow, recalls the lashes laughing in mystery.
“Pride makes us artificial and humility makes us real”
The pearl, lone aimless,fretting in tear.

Tuesday, July 20, 2010

why i love sunday

Sneaking through the shutters the sun creates vignettes.Contrasts wash the walls of my room,covering my face like a veil. Pebbles of light.Batting my lashes against the sunlight,I glance at the small,red plastic shovel. From my garden kit, when i was 10.This is the beauty of reopening old chests from the loft.Discovering this amulet,my time machine,traveling back to reliving euphoric times with you.I loved that sweet smell of jasmine attar,your kind doe eyes,your fetish for dry fruits.All of it.On Sundays with you in the garden,I got this kit along.Sunday was never without you.You would hold my little pudgy hands,take me near the guava tree and we would plant more saplings there.I was always annoyed with you because you never let me sit under the coconut tree,water it. I complained,how much i loved the coconut Kheer you made of them. I wasn't even allowed to water it! little did i know the fear of sitting under it, i thought coconuts were always removed by Mali kaka and never came off without our wish. Kheer was award for innocence,you laughed. Your black,kind,doe shaped eyes twinkled. I loved them.Your love for me was so pure, untarnished.You even kissed my mud stained face;ruffling my already messed up hair so that the cofetti of yellow, miniature leaves that had decorated it fell off.Then tired i would retire for an afternoon nap in your lap, after the most scrumptious meal you rewarded me with. Ofcourse not forgettting the kheer,a blend of my innocence and you sugary love. My disgust for you not letting me work under the coconut tree was bribbed by dry fruits. Today is sunday and its your birthday,so many sundays have stormed by after you left. Every sunday i miss you!i Love you Grandma.

Tuesday, July 13, 2010

I hope [ to my lil brother] :)

I hope you get drenched in the early rains,
so that you get high on sunshine.
i wish when you risk the tan.
You will put up with the blisters without much strain.

I hope you enough heart ache,
so that the next time you risk your heart
You don't fall on your knees and fret.
I wish you enough strength to not let it tear apart.

I hope you enough courage,
to forgive your friends and foes.
so that today you know its them,tomorrow it could be you...who knows?
I wish you enough mistakes, so you know nothing comes for free.

I hope you enough tears,to let your heart cry.
so that you will always give random acts of kindness a try.
You know only smile can punch pain,
So you bring laughter lines on creases that don't seem to mend.

I hope you enough darkness,
so you see the light within.
I wish you love the coals so that the diamond is seen.

I hope you enough chaos,
so you always steal the right away from wrong,
For every soul who wishes to sing always finds its song.

I hope that however tall you grow,
however fast and strong.
I wish that on your safe shoulders, my head i can always rest...all life long!

Saturday, July 10, 2010

Chasing pavements

Wandering through symmetries of cement,
i head happily towards nowhere.
The sun of the morning is still a little far,
Wet pavements bring aroma of the night past.
I love the smell of the wet earth,
Soon the sun will give a golden kiss,
A new morning is rebirth.
The leaves dance a playful gait,
coy, smitten by the wind's flirty chase.
Farther i move on the pavement...
I see the moss growing by,
outlining the pavement in a green dye.
Little yellow buds will sprinkle and simmer,
The pavement will be lit with cheer.
Scorching sun will cake the moss,
The beautiful wet smell lost.
The sun will retreat slowly,
leaving the sky painted in hues of red.
Natures master piece...
Evening is the final rays,
Pretty lamps cast an orange canopy over the pavements.
Wind is furious and harsh,
Blowing dried leaves across,
Fear not the departure of the green.
But prepare welcome for tomorrow's arrival of gold,
Carnival of nature, decorating pavements unseen.

Thursday, July 8, 2010


i scream, i yell,
I'm drowning deep,
I slowly go from shallow to steep.
Familiar is nothing here,
my lashes dig into my eyes.
Praying, praying someone would get me out in time.
Lost,half dead not able to hold my breath,
I know praying now wont help.
blades of water cut through me,
Scared i gulp my plea.
I open my eyes...lashes hurting badly. i realize.
The water makes my vision go blind.
I close in again, again i open my eyes.
The water gushes cruelly inside,
As if some chest of pearls hidden lies.
The same water i love when it saves me from thirst,
What am I veins are about to burst.
Water has not left any part untouched,
near death,now i value love.
The fishes a vibgyor cluster.
Each one proud in their own land.
Intruders like me are no damn.
In their land the water guards them,
They know i will eventually repent and become one with the algae and dying flesh.
Now i think i am eternally strong.
The underwater is another land.
In its vastness i will be sublime.
Just when i discovered a land dream is broken in no time!

Wednesday, July 7, 2010

Never enough.

Solitary not alone,
real not cloned.
I stare at you lying in bed.
The cold stings my nerves... but i just stare.
Intense, calm.
Cool but warm
you cast your charm.
Wrapped in white you look eerie,
so beautiful that its scary.
indispensable to where you belong.
Flawless, unnerving floating into dawn.
free but bound,
silent but loud.
Feeling you is not far,
touching your perfection will cause no harm.
Distant your companion of my dreams... a child's cherubic face.
Where do you disappear without a trace?
I miss your tranquility in the morning..
your touch, your constant haze.
You go away only to meet me again at the dark,
I love you give me strength for the day.
Your nature's most precious spark!

The trance of time!

Ticking away..
just thinking who made time?
what does it mean to stay?
some how we hide from such questions,
curiosity that would shake millions?

nowhere in this land i find,
beings existing without the trance of time.
Why cant i travel back and forth?
what is decay? what is growth? to me,
answer my questions...those silent times.
Don't tick away to glory like that!
I want those precious moments back.

Please you cant define silence for me.
You must not put so much noise...and then believe we should on silence thrive.
So many questions i ask you 'time'.
Tell me why some tunes succumb to silence and fail to chime.

You are nothing but a product of mind.
You cant fool those who fight against you to survive.
We dance to your tune because we decide.
Answer me! You cant cast your spell on me,
I cant help sail in your trance..
But one day you will answer me...and to my tunes dance!
because you are nothing but a product of mind..or matter of chance.

Broken mirrors

staring outside the window,
i watch each drop.
then breaking into many as the floor they knock.

oh...what does that remind me of?
The broken mirror, shattered yet reflecting what was inside me locked.

sun baked mornings , late nights dew,
cheese cake aroma, hair ribbons red and blue.

pearl drop earrings , pretty pink shoes.
crushing, crushing hard does he love me too?
the mystery continues...

My knees go weak when i see you,
confessions you make of your love for me,
But you say i change, become your barbie;
i love my original self..dont you?

Distortions they are so beautifully true.
the broken mirror...artificiality it overthrew.

No not you, you cant love me.
how can you?
for where my beauty never knew.

Broken mirror..shattered though you are,
you reflect the true,
of who ever stood in front of you!

Monday, July 5, 2010

Spring palette

Winter has bid its final goodbyes and the pleasant spring is chiming in. spring brings bright colors and cheer, therefore it must reflect in the sense of style.
Some key looks are being spotted already. Stripped knee length pants, hot pants and denim boy pants are a wardrobe-must this spring. No longer must we stick to boring block colors for pants, for all varieties of printed pants have made their way onto the Spring runways. Whether floral, striped, abstract, bold or subdued... patterns on pants are giving us new bold wardrobe options for the warmer months.
Cool, long t-shirts in white and pink shades give a comfortable and chilled out look. They can be paired up with leggings and tennis shoes or slip ons and a nice hair band with polka dots or floral prints. This makes up for a total pleasant spring look you can sport in college and still look feminine and elegant.
Well denims are an all time hit! Just when you thought they would never return... ripped jeans are back. So what can you possibly do next? Patch them of course! It's not for everyone, but its an option that's gaining traction. Patched jeans work well as skinnies, or try patched denim flares for a revival of 70s chic.Cotton kurtis look just great with a pair of mojris and bangles with dangler earrings. Cool blues, pinks, fresh greens, cheerful yellow and eye catchy orange are coloring the city ‘spring’. Stand collar kurtis can be paired up with trousers or chudidars and can also be worn for a corporate or formal look. Thick kangans with wooden carving and floral print or even multicolored bangles add zing to the spring look. Make up will be adding to the glam of spring and of course here comes more cheer. Go light on the lower part of the eyes i.e. kajal and wear bright, cool blue and green or peach eye shadows for fairer skin tones. Blushes can be colors like peach, pink, brown depending on the skin tone.Finally, some bag-must-haves for the spring are wet tissues to take care of the sweat and dirt of the skin, a pink or transparent lip balm, sweet smelling perfume, scarf, a Compaq or talc, kajal a SPF 30 or above sunscreen. Lots and lots of water is very important to beat the heat and call the glow. With all that in your kitty say “bring it on” to spring. [*published in iview]

Soul searches...

soul searches,
hidden behind glam,
putting up masks.
I'm glad, I'm real.

Soul searches,
Pep talks and gossips,discussing other lives,
Melting for love instead of wealth.
I'm proud, I'm just real.

soul searches,
behind hollow of the eyes,
flat stomachs, flashy sequined belts.
Anorexia, draining power, pale color.
I'm proud I'm not.
I'm real.

soul searches,
Big dreams, but faking love,
showing off in, letting not the soul beat...
Clothes so tight the heart screams.
free wings but scared of taking a flight?
I'm proud ,I'm not.
I'm real.

If its bothering you.
not being made to suit a fashion model's size,
search your soul.
In its depth you will find,
The beauty he sees is really,
the confidence in you walk,
the joy in your talk.
the twinkle in your eye,
flash of your smile.
Let the world judge your sham.
true love will choose soul searchers.
I'm proud,I'm real.

Into the wilderness

feet throbbing, heart thudding.
Into the wilderness,
creepers hanging long tresses.
Into a world happier,
Never ending...just like another dream to me it appears.
On the barks i paint my mind.
Caricature of the world I don't belong to,
still painting like a child.
To feel the petals on my cheeks,
rejuvenating the green welcome of the trees,
And see the world unfolding,
into the curls of the tendrils.
But in one thing i find no joy,
crunching the leaves under my feet.
They give so much, rise so high.
Then i think they might just touch the sky.
Rule of the wilderness is such,
blooming flowers wilting die,
green leaves, turning wry.
Becoming mud, engulfed in brown;
They greet the roots, and again they sprout.
My land i love it so much,
But when the sun goes down i will have to leave this land.
Return to the brutal atrocities of out land.
Only barbs will come my way,
shrouded in blood i will lay.

Sunday, July 4, 2010

on the playground...

on the playground...

on the playground everyday , the children gleefully played.
not thinking of anything else and lost in their game, little did they understood someones dream they betrayed!

it was sally the impaired, who was never asked into the game.
they made fun of sally n thought she was timid and lame.

everybody torchured sally with their hurtful words,
but the best at that was jenny , the bully for all the nerds.

every time any words that made sally cry,
the bullies were encouraged to give the teasing another try.

it went on till many days and jenne met with an accident!
he came to school with stitches on his lips, a dreadful scar and a plastered leg.
thought his friends could understand his temperament.

when he entered the classroom everybody stared at him with mock in their eyes.
" they must be surprised" thought he...of their mocking smiles.

but tears stung his eyes as he heard their words cruel,
"hey jenne , where did u get that ugly scar???
a tear ran down his cheeks as he got what he hadn't understood so far!

not after long he heard a voice behind him call,
' dare you make him cry...each one of us have once had a fall'!

jenne turned his head in astonishment....for who was this truthful one?

to his surprise he saw her, a slight smile on her face.
it was sally! the one of whom supported none.

then it hit him hard, all his words harsh.
had he not said,
the one who stood by him all this while was the one of whom a joke he had made!

and now if u see the playground , there are all types of children .
who play together,
not discriminating body or soul.....they value each other.
and will so farther!!

the worlds a playground too,
we are its players.
but we often don't realize the value of coal......
because we are busy searching diamonds!

Bee Happy

Going flowers,
peeping in at lovers.

Exploring the wilderness,
blossoms of tenderness.

Music in my wings,
away from painful stings.

Nectar loving,
leaving trails to undiscovered ways.

The silent creeper, growing faster,
feasting on happiness my friend the caterpillar.

Blushing yellow, basking the sunshine,
happiness today will all be mine.
Happiness today will all be mine.


Alone in this crowd

Staring into nowhere i think of you. How different, how close i had thought you were. I thank the lord for giving me a small part of your life, a scrap of your valuable time on earth. You entered with an open heart, a warm smile and wherever you are it will warm my heart. whenever my heart freezes, i have to just think of your smile.It can warm any frozen thing in the world....protect against the most horrifying chills.
You were always distant yet so close, always new yet so old. I was bound you knew,so much of me you loved; understood. Tears were not just drops of water and salt, they meant love,faith,trust,sorrow,happiness,freedom all such paradoxical things all at once. I never needed to share a looked into my eyes and understood the jitters ant twitters of my soul. There was only one being God made...who heard the music of my soul. His heart sang the same song as mine. We put our ears down to listen hard and heard the right rhythm...danced,rejoiced,celebrated every beat. Why did you let me go? why did i have to take leave? shattering sounds replace the rhythm now...without you there can be no soulful music. I stand in a crowd of some i love and some i hate.Some cherish me...some curse their fate. Some are jealous,some love me true.I can never find another YOU. faith in God will keep me will shine always because you deserve.One day i will find enough strength to accept and grow with you....ill foster all my courage, but you must ensure not to leave me alone in this crowd. Alone in this crowd

Saturday, July 3, 2010


Diwali was lighting up every corner, decorating every arch,
I stared at your room dingy dark,
not a ray of light;like the sky without a star.

I cared, i was bothered i was broken at heart.
Were you sick sleeping fast?
Deep inside i was dreading that day,
Slowly you were dying...I don't want to live to see,cant i not change fate?

Your a fighter, i know victory will be yours,
cancer will succumb to your will growing strong.
And i promise i will put up a fight too,
you have set an example , nothing can defeat a spirit true.

You traveled to a different world,
where i am sure love wins over curse.
you are never gone my dear Ray,
I have memories, our friendship will always stay.

Every morning when i go for my jog,
I look up at your room still dark.
I always see a ray seep through, that reminds me of your brave fight and YOU.
It always makes me proudly smile,
Today for you ill run an extra mile!

Friday, July 2, 2010

Paradoxical pair

Brown,deep enchanting me,
promising deep,tracing me.

Touching my soul,
reaching me,
as if listening to my hearts mystery ...yet mystifying me.

Talking in silence, a language of the soul.
let love follow its path,
let it set a trail of thoughts every moment its bound to grow.

I will never forget,i will never be free.
His deep brown eyes will haunt me.
cheer and sorrow, love and hate.
truth lies,endless faith.
All that in a beautiful pair?
His brown eyes ill never forget.

piece of mind/mindful of peace

white cloud wandering by,
are you free or bound by the breeze?

breeze sweeping , storming by;
tell me, are you free or bound by fury?

fury you hear the noise you make?
so much can the mind find a peaceful place?

fury said I'm bound by anger's tide,
the noise i make keeps it alive.

i found my answer, i found it late
peace is found in no place.
peace means the heart's calm,in a world full of fury,anger,bitter and chaos.
How do i keep up to that o lord?
Is another query i ask God!

lesson for life.

"I am not bound to win, but I am bound to be true. I am not bound to succeed, but I am bound to live by the light that I have. I must stand with anybody that stands right, and stand with him while he is right, and part with him when he goes wrong."
-- Abraham Lincoln.

God!another English class! Mrs David is one of the best teachers around...but! BUT BUT BUT she prefers you working with a new partner each time! Man, assignments are hell...and dealing with yourself itself is a pain!I mean...SHIT HAPPENS!
I smile as I think of Mary " THE NERD " . My thoughts linger back to school days when I Learned 'A LESSON FOR LIFE'

10:35am Friday morning. David..oops David madams class has begun 5 min ago. Friday just so close. WOW. 60 hrs later life will be cooler. "so whom have you chosen sweetheart? for your paper on William Wordsworth? ..or maybe i should help you get a partner don't look like you are with us". " mm yup madam i was just thinking.....Namrata and me share a perfect rapport mam".This is exactly what i want to decide...not let you know. LOOK children i want you guys to really work with new people...get to learn from different perceptions. will pair up with Mary. Do we understand?"um..of course mam". OK so guys split up into your pairs and start working. SHIT HAPPENS. i had just made myself a topic for gossip! My popular group of friends were paired up with ...OK...decent people if not as popular..but what had happened to me was CRAZY,LUNATIC,STUPID STUPID STUPID.i caught Namz and Shenel and shalaka grinning at me. I made a WET-PUPPY-FACE at them. they broke into a loud laugh...almost a roar. i cursed my destiny!
I turned my chair to face Mary. she SMILED AT ME...HER UGLY BRACES SHOWING. her skirt was almost till her calf, hair plaited neatly and oiled, two dumb curls hung loose .... an irritating attempt to look stylish.her socks covered the rest of her legs, her blouse was at least xxxxl and hung loosely on her thin frame. She yelled fashion disaster. I realized i was staring and not smiling so it was i put up a smile. "Hey"..i said " how are mm have never spoken but ...whose your favorite poet girl? mine is Maya Angelou." that was my first question to my later best friend!Every day i and Mary waited after class to work on our paper. beyond all that after knowing Mary i realized the ultimate depth of knowledge Mary had at this age! apart from being a great human being she was sooo humble about it! i still hung out with my 'popular' group but i felt an emptiness inside. Did i actually LOVE their judging people based on their perceptions? Mary was so sweet ....she never spoke about PEOPLE! i never liked it either? why was i behaving like i did?
The next time i spoke to Mary even during break, hung out with her on weekends to meet cute guys...or just for coffee and cookies..or just for assignments. Mary was so much like me inside i felt...alter ego. Mrs David says you must find one.
She made me be me. that's the biggest lesson for life. I will never forget this lesson. never let people play their games and use you as tools. if you keep judging people will never find time to love them dearly. Mary was way beyond shallow things like make up..maybe. I could contribute in making her a better person and become a better person from her contributions. THAT'S FRIENDSHIP.

Thursday, July 1, 2010

Reason to smile.....

The dark night's hug has ended,
the dream i lived in the night seems distant and still.
Today i know is another day,
where i have to face a world of hate.

As i cuddle into my blanket again,
I hear a sweet twitter just at the sill,
i peep out to meet a small bird's gaze.
Quickly flying away taking its flight, as if just there to remind me of life.
A hint of smile on my face.

Going to the window, i feel the breeze,
heavenly sun shining through grills,
the leaves must be making chlorophyll.
i stare at the leaves thinking, what a crazy thought to a days beginning!
my face is lit a silent smile.

My mom's yell to wake my brother for school,
reminds me i have to get ready too.
But the enchanting breeze would not let me do.
smell of coffee brewing hot,
Aroma of the beans.... dark and bitter my favorite strong.

Dad...near the stove..
His loose tee his kind eyes,
crazy hair his sprightly smile.
Life seems so happy..
My cranky mischievous smile is here,
I'm sure it will linger the whole day and for the smallest reason reappear!