The black the white the gray of life

The black the white the gray of life

Saturday, October 30, 2010

My shadow.

image: Pixmac photos

We never acknowledge it, but it never leaves us. It’s that reflection of the self that we seek belief in when the whole world seems like a labyrinth, where one would definitely lose oneself. The shadow still follows tirelessly.

That’s why I call HER ‘My Shadow’.

She is mad, funny, crazy, caring and independent and many other paradoxical things all at the same time. There is a comfort in her voice that calms the flutters of my heart almost instantly. There is an assurance in her smile that everything will just be OK at once. She is what friendship means to me today, her name is Gauri.

“What? She did that to you”? Gauri yelled almost shouting over the phone. It had just happened and I was sitting on the cold, lonely bench outside class. I had eventually been thrown out, due to my blank expressions and staring at the English text as if it was Hebrew, by Miss David. “I would cherish your honorable presence, mental as well next time Devangini” she said firmly as I nodded in acceptance, still a blank look on my face and excused myself from class. Not that it was her fault; she was one of the most adorable teachers. It was just that I had too many things to keep from doing, like breaking into tears, thinking of what happened today morning and letting my shattered heart show on my face. It was like I felt a vacuum inside me. So, as usual, I just punched her number. “Yes, now she is boycotting me, eventually blaming me for what she did” I said, almost at the verge of tears. I went on to explain that my best friend Heena and our group of friends had blamed me just to take revenge on a group of guys that I was better friends with. Heena had spilled out group secrets to them and just to save her a** told the other girls it was me who did it! Of course they believed her and gave me all ‘those’ betrayed looks that welled up my eyes for something I could never even imagine doing. The mere thought of it scared me!

It wasn’t a silly thing, as what hurt me more was the feeling of being misunderstood always. I was being punished for what? Couldn’t they believe me as much as they believed her? What had I not done for Heena? Cried to her mom to forgive her when she read Heena’s personal dairy, dropped classes because she was feeling low, getting her medicine at recess for headaches and endless other things. Did it mean nothing to her? Oh! Sorry I must not boast what I did, but I just feel like screaming it all out! Never did I expect that in return but of course, respect for it at least. I blurted my heart out to Gauri realizing in no time that I was tasting salt from my tears already. Listen, she said in a calm voice “if there is someone who cannot understand you, then can you call them friends at all? Aren’t you better off with people who believe in you come what may? You are not perfect and so people may take you for granted, but I am proud of you because that is the real you. At least you are not fake. You know you did nothing wrong and once the other girls realize it they will trust you even more. If they don’t there is nothing to regret as they never thought you to be ‘theirs’. I felt so relieved! I almost smiled! She too did in return, as if she heard my smile over the phone! Words were not needed, nor were thanks.

That was the first strong stem of our friendship, and after 7 years it’s still growing fearlessly, with colorful blossoms, without any thorns. I have learnt that friendship is the art of believing and nurturing a bond that is beyond every material thing. Believing means never giving up and always following through good and bad. That’s why she is my shadow and I promise to be hers. I Love you my shadow.


  1. belief in sum1 no matter wat dey do is sumthng to be cherished....

    it doesnt mean u agree with the wrong things dey do, bt da fact dat u realize that at the core the person will always be accept sum1 as dey are is da challenge and if u rilly find sum1 lik dat...consider urself lucky!

    nice! :)

  2. becomes a joy to live due to friends like these...i hope your friendship with ur 'shadow' remains eternal